Changes

Shauna's getting married in 4 days!!!! This may sound cliche, but life is going by SO FAST!!! My best friend, lovely, innocent, sweet Shauna is getting married on Saturday. How did this happen?? It seems like just yesterday we were three silly girls (and Big Dog) crammed into a twin bed laughing hysterically and talking for hours. Marriage has many wonderful benefits obviously but there are also a few disadvantages as well which should not be overlooked. A few of these are a little silly I suppose, and a few are very serious concerns of mine.

1. No more sleepovers. You can't just drive down the street to your best friends' house and stay the night whenever you feel like it. You have to go home to your husband. So that means no more cuddling in bed and talking for hours with your friends... this activity is reserved for your husband who probably doesn't even want to talk for hours... or cuddle for that matter. Oh sure, he'll want to cuddle and talk at first, but a few years into it, he's just going to want his sleep. And then you'll really be missing those sleepovers.

2. You often have to move away after you get married. Shauna's moving to Bellingham which is 3 hours away, and she can't come down and stay for the weekend (see above). I'm moving 3,000 miles away to what might as well be a different continent. The people on the East Coast are so different from West Coast people. They are all so sophisticated and well educated and they're always dressed up and they have perfect grammer and they speak in indoor voices all of the time (even when they're excited and happy). I wonder if I'll ever fit in there... and it's so expensive to travel back and forth that I'll be lucky to see my friends and family even twice a year. *Sigh*

3. You have to learn to cook. What man wants a wife who can't cook? No man, and that's my point. As a wife, you absolutely must learn to cook. Not only must you learn how to cook in the first place, you must also learn how to cook well. This is an expectation placed upon you as a wife and it's more than a little intimidating. This task is impossibly difficult unless you're born with the cooking/baking gene. I am not. My mother is a wonderful cook, but maybe it's one of those traits that skips a generation or something. I have been known to burn many, many things. I've also served undercooked (well, raw) meats at times. And I've set the stove on fire more than a few times. I have improved during the past 4 years since I moved out on my own, but I am far from being a "good cook." I can make spaghetti, rice, salad, and plain, boring chicken. Recently, I've learned to make banana bread and have successfully baked a loaf all by myself 3 whole times. However, once I set the oven on fire and once I had to throw out the majority of the "loaf" because the inside was still the consistency of batter. Still, though, I'm rather proud of my homemade banana bread. It's one step closer to domesticity and one small battle won in the lifelong struggle to become what's considered to be a "good cook."

4. You have to live with a boy!! How wierd is that going to be?!?! I've always wondered what boys do when they're alone, what they eat, whether or not they're clean people, etc. But once you get married, you find out!! You have no more secrets, no mystery. He will see you with no makeup, first thing in the morning when you look your worst. He will fart in front of you which is absolutely disgusting. He will know when you're on your period. He will hear you singing in the shower. He will leave his dirty underwear on the floor. He will want to kiss you before you've brushed your teeth in the morning. He will feel your legs when they're not shaved. He will make a mess in the kitchen. He will know exactly how long it actually takes you to get ready in the morning. You'll be annoyed when you find out that it really does only take him 15 minutes to get ready in the morning. He won't want to listen to your music all of the time. You'll discover all of each other's bad habits. And that's it, the allure is gone, the romance wears off and it becomes real life.

5. Absolutely everything changes. As a person who does not like change (at all), this is a catastrophe. Not only do I have to transition from an independent, single girl who can do as she pleases into a married woman whose decision making power is instantly cut in half, but I have to endure a bazillion other changes as well. I'm moving across the country to a strange city, leaving my family and friends, I have to get a real job, I have to go to a new church, I have to make new friends, the list goes on and on. Everything will change, nothing will be the same and this is terrifying for me.

Ok now that I've got that out of my system, let me say this. For all of the disadvantages and awkwardness that marriage brings with it, I am 100% positive that the joys will overshadow all of this. No more sleepovers?? But you can look forward to annual girls' weekends in Vegas and LA. Maybe the East Coast isn't all that bad, I'm sure there are some good things about it. I can't think of any off the top of my head, but I'm sure it's not the end of the world like I make it out to be in my imagination. I'm sure I will make friends and maybe I'll even find some nice, normal Californians/Washingtonians over there who feel just as out of place as I do. Learning to cook, while hard, is a good thing. Less expensive to feed yourself, healthier options, a skill that you can boast of, your kids will like you better, your husband will want to come home to you after work, you can contribute something to potlucks and family holidays. See, these are all good things. Living with your husband will be a big change, but a wonderful change too. Boys, although not as clean or familiar as girl roommates, are cool people too (especially my fiance!!). They can fix things around the house, they can unclog the drains, they can jumpstart your car, they can carry you to bed when you fall asleep on the couch, they can figure out what's wrong with the computer or VCR, they can shovel the walkway when it snows, they can warm up your car in the morning, and the best part... you get to cuddle with them every night!!! So what if the mystery is gone, so what if they know all of your secrets and see you at your worst?? Isn't that real life and real love?? Won't it be much better, won't it be freeing, won't it be more romantic to know somebody and be known intimately?? And as for change, although I'm very reluctant to accept it and although I fight it and although I wish things would never change, I realize that change is good. When God says that he has a purpose for me and when he says that he works all things for my good and when he promises to sanctify me, I believe Him. All of life's changes and challenges are His perfect and sovereign way of fulfilling those promises. So why worry about it and why long for the past? The past is wonderful, memories are great, and old friends are one of His greatest blessings, but the future is even more promising, new memories will be made, and old friendships will deepen and new ones will begin. So I really need to stop complaining and worrying about the future and about marriage and begin look forward to it as a chance to grow and a means of being sanctified. Praise the Lord for his work in our lives!!