Four Months

That's how long it's been since God first blessed us with our precious baby boys! And I know it's cliche to say so, but the time has flown by! They are so different than they were when we first brought them home from the hospital. So active, so cuddly, so fun, so excited! People always ask me if it's sunk in yet, if I really feel like a mom? Well, I can finally say 'Yes.' I no longer feel as if I'm babysitting somebody else's kids. I feel like they're all mine and like I've finally got the hang of it. I know what they like, what they don't like, what gets them excited, what will comfort them, sometimes I can even tell why they're crying :-) It's such a blessing to be able to spend all day with them getting to know them better. I love every second of it!

However, I do have a hard time remembering that I can't control our circumstances or ultimately protect my children from harm. I love them so much and it's often so hard to entrust them to the Lord. When they were first born, I would wake up in the middle of the night with anxiety attacks and go check to make sure they were still breathing. I would sometimes have a hard time falling asleep because I would lay awake worrying about their health and safety.

How does one hold their precious children for whom they'd gladly give their life with open hands? How does one not constantly obsess with worry and fear that you'll lose them? I haven't quite figured this out or found a way to prevent it, but I can say that I get great relief from reading Scripture and praying whenever these anxiety attacks come. My sinful heart would rather sit around wishing that I could control everything around me and protect my children from any harm that might come their way than entrust them to my great and loving Savior who actually does control everything. God is using this new experience of motherhood to teach me to trust Him more fully with the things I hold most dear. And it's been very good for me!

Brandon, my parents, my sisters, anybody who knows me well would say that I always expect things to go my way, I like to have a say in everything, and I try to control circumstances as much as possible. Living on the east coast has been the first step God's used to teach me to trust Him through circumstances that I wish I could change and control, and now He's pushing me even further with motherhood. These past four months, I've begun learning to trust God with my children and with his plan, not only for my life but theirs as well.

When Brandon and I think of the future and of our goals in parenting, our first and greatest hope for our children is that they come to know Jesus as their Lord and Savior. In comparison to that, nothing else really matters at all. We talk about saving for their college educations, preparing them to succeed in life, teaching them sports or music, trying to raise them to be responsible citizens, etc. but none of that will amount to anything if they don't believe and trust in God.

Ever since we first found out that I was pregnant, we've been praying for their salvation. This too, we ultimately have to entrust to God, but we have been given a huge responsibility in raising them to know the truth and to set an example with our own lives. I hope that instead of wasting time and energy excessively worrying about their physical safety, I would spend more time praying for their souls and thinking of ways that I can show the love of Christ and the joy of salvation to them. This is one of my greatest struggles as a mother, one which I'm only 4 months into but one which will probably last a lifetime.

I'm so thankful that the Lord has been so good to me and has already begun to teach me to trust Him with my children and to strive to be a faithful witness to them. I pray that He will continue doing this and that many years from now, when my children are grown, I will look back at these early days and see how God used them to make me a better mother, one who pointed her children towards Christ.

When I die, I hope to stand before the Lord knowing that I brought glory to Him in all the roles he's given me in life: wife, friend, sister, daughter, mother. As I type these out, I'm convicted of all my shortcomings in each category. But, by God's grace, I hope to arrive at the end of my life with the knowledge and confidence that I spent it bringing glory to my Lord. And I hope and pray that my children will do the same. At the end of my life, I hope to experience the indescribable joy of knowing that one day I will be reunited with my family in heaven for eternity. What greater joy could a mother have than that?

I hope Brandon doesn't check the bank account today...

because I went on a shopping spree! Well not a huge one, but my biggest since the boys have been born. I've tried to go shopping before this, but I haven't found much that I thought was worth the money. I'm not sure if the pricing scale in my head automatically adjusted once I had kids or if it was because my two-month free ride from the government just recently ran out and we're now officially living off of one salary, but whatever the reason, I have not wanted to shop lately. But we were already out for a doctor's appointment and I figured since I had made it out of the house at all, that was half the battle, so we went to the outlet mall on the way home. And I'm so glad we did!!

Outlet malls are so much more mom/stroller friendly! Especially on week days, they're nearly empty besides other moms with strollers. Most of the stores even put enough space in between the racks to get my double stroller through! That's practically unheard of! The Abercrombie and Hollister stores didn't of course, but who am I kidding? I'm not cool enough to shop there anymore anyways. Probably never was...

And the best part is that the outlet mall lived up to its name and had some HUGE discounts! I bought a few things for myself, but even more stuff for my kids. The boys are just now growing out of the plethora of 0-3 month clothes they received and need just a few more things to fill out their 3-6 month wardrobe. People have been more than generous with us and I haven't had to buy the boys anything besides one pair of pants each. Today, I was finally able to shop for my own kids and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. One store had an entire rack of clothes that were only 99 cents each!! The clothes were cute too - little corduroy pants, thermal shirts, sweatshirts, polo shirts. I did a double take and even had to scan an item myself because I didn't believe it at first. It was true though... and I loaded up! The boys did great while shopping too, they both took long naps in the stroller and smiled at all the adoring salespeople.

The boys also had their 4 month check up this morning. They are both happy, healthy and growing strong. Both boys are 25 inches long, Jackson weighs 13 lb, 4 oz and Cullen weighs 13 lb, 12 oz. So Cullen is half a pound bigger than Jack. Brandon and I had suspected this because Cullen seemed a tiny bit heavier to us, but we weren't sure. They also had another set of vaccines and both took it like champs, only a few seconds of shrieking.

Oh and I almost forgot, I have AC now! Yep, it kicked in yesterday afternoon - just before the temperature plummeted to 60 degrees and it started raining. Oh well, I'm sure another heat wave will come along soon and I'll get to enjoy it then.

Still Scorching...

So it's currently 90 degrees outside and is supposed to get hotter later in the afternoon. For some unknown reason, our apartment building refuses to turn on the central air conditioning despite the fact that it's been over 90 degrees for 3 days in a row now. Apparently, they've been inundated with angry phone calls and promise to turn on the AC tomorrow, but what good does that do me today?

It's that kind of heat where you're constantly sticky and uncomfortable, even if you're just sitting around. You also don't want anybody to touch you because that just makes you even hotter, which is a problem when you normally spend your entire day with at least one baby on your lap. Because of the heat, the boys won't nap well and they've been fussy all morning. I took a cold shower this morning and that helped me to cool down, maybe I'll try giving the boys a cool-ish bath later. For now, they're just wearing diapers and I am applying cool washcloths to their foreheads every so often. This really startles them though and their eyes just about pop out of their heads but after a few seconds they realize that it's not hurting them and they relax and start smiling. They're currently napping, but only if you count waking up screaming every 15 minutes or so as "napping."

This reminds me of the summer after college when I lived in a house in Spokane with no AC and where the windows were painted shut. The house would bake in the sun all day and by the time I got home from work at 10 or 11 the inside temperature would be about 112 degrees. I remember sitting in the dark with my roommates (because it was so hot we didn't even want the heat from the light bulbs on us) drinking water by the gallon. I used to soak towels in ice water, drape them over myself, and aim two fans directly on me in order to fall asleep. This isn't quite that bad and at least I'll have some relief tomorrow.

Ok, that's enough blogging for today, I better go tend to my hot, cranky babies who just woke up again. I'm really looking forward to tomorrow!!

Oh and if you're wondering why we're wearing sweaters in the pictures just a few posts down, it's because last Wednesday it was only 50 degrees and raining. By Saturday it was 90 degrees, isn't that crazy?!?! I don't think I'll ever get used to this East Coast weather...

Hot Like Fire

That pretty much sums up the weekend. It was 94 degrees on Saturday and 92 yesterday (the average for this time of year is around 70 degrees)!We made the most of the record-breaking temperatures by taking a day trip to Fredericksburg. We drove down on Saturday morning, strolled around the town, walked across the river to visit two historical homes Chatham and Ferry Farm, ate some incredible (and humongous) garlic burgers, drove through the battlefields in which the Battle of Fredericksburg was fought, and enjoyed some ice cream on the way home.

This was the farthest into "the South" that I have ever ventured and, from what I can tell, it wasn't that bad. It was a cute little town with a ton of history from colonial times and the Civil War. There were gorgeous old-fashioned mansions everywhere, I wish I would have gotten some pictures of those! Our favorite part was visiting Chatham, a mansion built just across the river on a hillside overlooking Fredericksburg. During the Civil War, Union troops used this house as a headquarters for General Burnside. From Chatham, they shot cannons down on Lee's troops who held the town of Fredericksburg. Walt Whitman and Clara Barton (the founder of the American Red Cross) helped wounded soldiers at Chatham. George Washington and Thomas Jefferson also visited Chatham about 100 years earlier. We had fun and learned something too :-)

The Rappahannock River (very muddy)

Crossing the river to get to Chatham

The entrance to Chatham

Chatham's gardens

I thought this was so beautiful! Apparently, it's a Wisteria plant that's grown over a wooden frame. Someday, when I have a garden, I'll have to remember to grow Wisteria in it.

Jack looking just thrilled to be out in the hot weather

The front of Chatham

The view of Fredericksburg from Chatham, this is where the Union soldiers fired upon Confederates in the town.

These are Confederate trenches on the Fredericksburg battlefields

Ferry Farm, George Washington's childhood home is also in Fredericksburg.

Although I have to say, there wasn't a cherry tree in sight...

Cullen

He's really working out those ab muscles and trying hard to sit up :-)

Jackson Playing

The week in review

Brandon found Huck chillin under the boys' play mat this morning

Jack after his bath last night

Such a tired boy

Poor Jack came down with his first little cold on Monday. He had a slight fever on Monday night (about 100 degrees) but I called the doctor and they said not to worry too much or bring him in unless it went over 101 degrees. Later that night it dropped to 99 degrees and it is completely gone now. He also had a small cough and some congestion but that is much better now too. The doctor told me to nurse him as much as possible to get extra fluids into him, give him warm baths to loosen the congestion, keep a humidifier running in the room, and then suction his nose out every few hours. He's barely coughing now and is breathing much easier. I was praying that he wouldn't get worse but I was surprised how quickly he improved. Oh me of little faith.

They seem to be getting stronger, more alert, and more coordinated with each passing day. They love to play with their stuffed animals and rattles, they love to play in their activity center, they love interacting with us. I don't think they quite get the concept of peek-a-boo yet but they do get really excited when I squeal and kiss them at the end. We're definitely on the right track.

They're starting to laugh too. Before, they only smiled with their mouths wide open but no sounds came out, now they make little coos and giggles. This is my new favorite sound!

This picture series illustrates Cullen's skills at sitting up by himself... and his slow decline. Soon buddy, soon.

A typical day

7:00 or 8:00 - Hear the boys waking up, go into their room, spend a few minutes smiling at each other, change diapers, and bring them back, one by one, into my bed to feed them. How do I decide which one to feed first? Simple- whoever's crying loudest.

9:00 - Feeding's done, make a beeline for the coffee maker.

9:10 - 11:00 - Caffeine kicks in. Playtime! Shake rattles, read books, play with teddy bears and stuffed animals. Maybe take a picture or video if they're doing something particularly cute or have mastered a new skill.

11:00 - Next feeding. This one's slightly more complicated since by now they're both hungry, tired, cranky and borderline overstimulated from 2 hours of playtime. I feed one while holding a pacifier in the other's mouth and trying to distract him with a rattle.

12:00 - Feeding's done. Another diaper change, swaddle them up, turn on Baby Einstein tunes, then spend several minutes holding pacifiers in their mouths until they start to fall asleep. Sneak out of the room.

12:00-2:00 - Naptime! Take a shower, eat breakfast/lunch, brush my teeth, check email/blogs, spend an hour or so straightening up and cleaning the apartment, take something out of the freezer to thaw, feed the cats.

1:45 - Spend 15 minutes fiddling with the tv antenna trying to get a clear signal so I can watch Ellen.

2:00 - Boys wake up, (if I'm lucky they'll sleep til 3 but not usually). We all watch Ellen and laugh (the boys just love her). I feed them again. They usually get a few ounces of formula after this feeding so they're not too cranky for the rest of the afternoon. We're all in good moods now.

3:00 - If the weather is nice: diaper change, dress the boys, put their shoes on, pack the diaper bag, put their shoes on again since they've kicked them off by now, strap them into the stroller, clip pacifiers onto their clothing, put their shoes on yet again, struggle to push the stroller out the door, into the elevator and out the double doors in the lobby. Sometimes I get lucky and people hold the doors open for me.

3:30 - 4:30 - Walk to the park or grocery store if the weather is nice. Play inside if it's not.

4:30 - Unload the stroller. Diaper change, swaddle, Baby Einstein music, pacifiers, sneak out of the room.

4:30-5:30 - Naptime! Straighten up the house again, start dinner.

5:30 - Boys wake up, another feeding. By this point in the day one of them has usually peed or pooped through his clothes so I change him and try to get the spot out of the carpet, blankets, couch, etc.

6:00 - Brandon walks in the door. I finish feeding the boys. Brandon tells me about his day. I get jealous of his interaction with other adults.

6:30 - Brandon and I eat dinner. The boys either play happily on the floor or cry until we pick them up and eat with them on our laps.

7:00 - Brandon does the dishes and I change diapers or vice versa.

7:30 - 9:00 - Family time. We watch tv, play with the boys, go on another walk, or call our families.

9:00 - Last feeding of the day. Brandon goes downstairs and works out while I feed the boys.

10:00 - Brandon makes bottles of formula. The boys always get formula after this feeding so that they'll be completely full and sleep as long as possible.

10:00 - 10:30 - Brandon feeds the boys their bottles. I blog.

10:30 - Bedtime! Same bedtime routine as at naptime but completed in half the time since there's two of us now. Spend several minutes kissing the boys goodnight.

11:00 - Bedtime for us!

11:00-7:00 - Sleep deeply. Wake up missing my babies. Thank God for another day with them before heading in to see their smiling faces!

Here's another video featuring Jack and his rattle. There's no "talking" in this one, but alot of concentration and at the end it pays off!

Yeah! I figured out how to post videos!

As you can tell, Jack is real excited about that rattle

The week in review

We had a pretty normal week, the only difference has been that the weather has been awesome for the past few days so we've gone on lots of walks. There is a gorgeous park about a block away from our new apartment so we walk there all the time now. The boys don't fuss anymore when they get strapped into the stroller. On the contrary, they start kicking their legs with excitement and making lots of happy noises. They just love to stare at the scenery that's going by as they get pushed along.

I also realized that I forgot to post about the most important and exciting development in last week's post. The boys now sleep through the night! They actually started doing this almost immediately after we got back from California last month. They consistently sleep for about 7 hours, sometimes 8 or 9. Last night they slept for, drumroll please, 10 HOURS!! It was so nice sleeping in this morning! I feel so much more rested these past few weeks. At the time, only sleeping for 3 or 4 hours at a time didn't seem that bad... but now that they've started sleeping for longer stretches I don't know how I survived on less. Thank the Lord that those days are over (hopefully for good)!

The past week they have a few more new skills. Cullen has begun pulling himself forward when he's sitting on the couch against the cushions. So he's not relying completely on the cushions behind him to sit up. The funny part about this though is that he can't hold himself in that position for long so after a few seconds he either falls back against the cushion again or slumps completely forward so that his face lands in between his feet. I'll try to capture a picture of this soon!

Jack has begun "talking" alot more too. When he gets excited he yells happily over and over. Sometimes when he's bored he'll stare at his feet in concentration and just talk to himself quietly for a few minutes. On one of our walks last week, he was talking and yelling excitedly the whole way home.

The boys are so fun now! I love playing with them and having pretend conversations with them. And I love that they get so excited to see us and get huge grins on their faces whenever we kiss them. They bring more and more joy to our lives each day. What a blessing these guys are!

Easter

We only took a few pictures on Easter but here are the boys looking oh-so-handsome in their Easter outfits, complete with baby loafers from the Gap.



And you all had better notice and appreciate the new blog header. I worked on that thing for no less than 8 hours and had multiple issues publishing, downloading, saving, and posting it from one website to another but I FINALLY got it up. I'm ridiculously proud of myself and relieved that I didn't actually throw the computer out the window while working on it.

Picture of the Week

...and a few other really good pictures. These all look the same but I just couldn't decide which ones were cuter, so I posted them all! Eat your hearts out people!




Brandon: "Kim, when you post those pictures, be sure to mention that I took them. I want the credit."

Me: "I will."

Brandon: "Good, because legally I own all rights to them."



Oh, and another funny quote that I just remembered:

Jack is fussing on the couch as we eat dinner.

Brandon: "Jack stop whining."

Me: "He's lonely, he wants his parents."

Brandon: "Jack, don't be such a pansy or else when you're older we're going to take you to a supermarket and leave you there to teach you a lesson."

At Last!

The longest month of my life is over, I have internet again! So much has happened in the past month, I don't even know where to start. Here's a little run-down of our life lately (in no particular order because Blogger always posts my pictures wrong):

*My loving husband surprised me when I returned from California by moving into the new apartment while I was gone. It was such a relief to not have to bother with packing and moving. And Anna was here for a week to watch the boys while Brandon and I unpacked. We are pretty much entirely moved in now, I will take some pictures of the new place this week... once it's clean ;-)

Auntie Anna with her boys

*Jackson and Cullen are much more aware of people, animals and objects. When we walk out of their line of sight, they will turn their heads and try to follow with their eyes us as far as they can. They also seem to understand the concept that if they cry for whatever reason, we will come to them. Thus they let out a lot more cries of boredom or irritation and seem instantly relieved the second they spot us coming toward them. This is both a perk and a potential problem.

Jack smiling

I think this picture is hilarious, Cullen is on the left looking bored and Jack is on the right scowling at me.

*The boys smile like crazy now as you can see from the pictures. Jack tends to smile more often and be much more interactive but Cullen is catching up. They tend to develop new skills and interests only a few days apart. Jack nearly always reciprocates smiles whereas Cullen is more hit and miss. Both boys love their rattles and their floor gym. Their attention span is only about 20 minutes (max) but they are mesmerized by their toys that entire time. They're also starting to enjoy their little "activity center" though they can't hold themselves up for long in it. We prop them up with a blanket behind their backs but they still eventually slump over and end up resting their faces on the top of the seat.



*Brandon's Great Aunt Marilyn, a missionary in Liberia, visited a few weeks ago. She was able to meet the boys before heading out for a cross-country roadtrip with her two sisters. That sounds like fun. Maybe I'll take a roadtrip with my sisters when we're in our 80's too :-)

Cullen with his Great-grandma Whitaker

Family naptime

I often sit them up on the couch if I need my hands free (they can't roll over or scoot anywhere yet) but they usually slowly slump over to the side. Here's Jack in the middle of his slide.

*Brandon's mom and my best friend Renee were here visiting for a long weekend too. It was during the Cherry Blossom Festival so we ventured into the swarm of tourists and snapped a few pictures. I also found out that Renee will most likely be moving here in August to attend grad school! There are no words to describe how excited and glad I am that we'll be living near each other again!

They are big enough now to ride in different seats in their stroller and they love going for walks.

Cullen

I don't know which one's which here... if I had to guess I'd say that Jack is in the light blue.

*My good friend Jessica who lives here in DC just had a baby last week. Here are Jack and Cullen meeting their new BFF Silas Grey. Brandon and I were stunned to see our boys next to little Silas who was 2 1/2 pounds larger than they were at birth. It's unbelievable how they've grown!
*And, speaking of babies, I also found out this month that Shauna is pregnant!! YIPPEE!! She won't find out for several more weeks, but I'm convinced she's having a girl. If I'm right, Shauna has already pledged her baby as a future wife to one of my boys. They're going to have to fight over her though.